How could you ever prepare to have your heart broken? Why did I think if we had a plan, wrote about our feelings and shared our story I could control all of this?
I’m sitting at his bedside in the hospital as he hallucinates and over and over again forgets where he is.
Joe’s kidneys are failing and won’t be able to keep his body working for long.
He woke up from a haze and told me to climb into the hospital bed with him. There are moments of clarity and then he’s gone, lost in a dream about playing baseball or calling for our dog.
There’s so much we didn’t get done. A pile of birthday cards for Mira but Joe thought he had time to fill them out.
My video so he could tell me good night after he’s gone. We ran out of time.
We snapped a picture in his hospital bed. The last picture I’ll ever have with him.
I get in his face and ask if he knows where he is and who I am.
“Do you know me, Joe?”
“I know you’re the prettiest girl in the world,” he answered.
I’ll take it.
I’ll spare you the details of what will happen.
We have days. My heart feels like it’s splitting in two.
I’ll take care of you, Joe, I promised.